Domestic Violence and Challenges for Parents

October can be a hectic time of year with Halloween, school functions for those with children in school, and trying to enjoy the last bits of decent weather before Michigan’s winter hits. However another important thing about October is that it’s domestic violence awareness month.

Domestic violence is more common than many people realize. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence. It does not target just one economic class or culture, and can impact people from all walks of life.

While many people associate domestic violence with physical abuse, there are other ways that a relationship can be unhealthy. This can include (but is not limited to) emotional abuse, economic abuse, and isolation. 

Experts in the field of domestic violence believe power and control are among the root causes of domestic violence. Thus if a relationship can be controlled through financial abuse or emotional abuse there may not be physical abuse, however that still makes the relationship unhealthy.

Domestic violence is known to escalate. It may begin with emotional abuse and begin to have more and more instances of physical abuse. Escalation can also mean that abuse will become more and more frequent as the relationship progresses.

Many people wonder why people in abusive relationships stay. It’s important to understand the cycle of domestic violence. As domestic violence is known to escalate throughout time it often starts with things that appear to be one time incidents. It’s a tough position to be in knowing a relationship you may have been in for some time is unsafe. This can often make the decision to leave challenging.

As parents there are many special considerations that can make leaving challenging. Parents often have to navigate sharing custody with an abusive partner even if they leave the relationship. Many parents worry that the same things that make them feel unsafe in a relationship will occur to their children.

It can also be challenging to know when is a safe time to end the relationship. Abuse can escalate when a relationship is ending. This is due to the fact that abusers feel they have lost control over the relationship. Even when leaving a relationship abuse can play out in court over custody matters, or in parenting time exchanges.

Counseling can be a good resource to help weigh out the challenges in your relationship and seek support. A good counselor will not provide judgment, but will help you weigh out what the best decision to make for your family is. It is important when seeking counseling to look for a counselor with a background in trauma or domestic violence who can help guide you through this process.

Michigan has many local domestic violence organizations with expertise on guiding you through these challenges. This includes HAVEN which is located in Oakland county. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline to be connected with the local domestic violence resources in your county.

If someone you care about is in an unhealthy relationship remember your support is important. Abusers often isolate their partners such as finding ways to interfere with relationships with friends and family. It can be good to let someone who is in an unhealthy relationship know you are here for them, and not provide judgment as they weigh out their options. 

If you feel you are in an unhealthy relationship, know you are not alone. Support is available to help you through these challenging times. As a community we can all work together to end domestic violence.

If you are looking for assistance for yourself or someone you care about here are some resources that can help:

*HAVEN Oakland County 248 334 1274
*National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
*You can also reach out to Liz Bayer (counselor) to discuss counseling and other resources by calling Nature’s Playhouse at (248) 955 3219